Your Super-Secret Friday Update, vol. 210

kitchenIf you use Gmail, do my Friday dispatches land in the PROMOTIONS bucket all of a sudden? The copy that comes to me does, and it bugs me. I have a feeling many people never see the email because of that. Also, why do I get emails from Sears? Sears?! Seriously? But I’m getting off-track already… For what reasons are my Friday emails flagged as PROMOTION? I think I’m going to contact Carl Google, or whoever heads up that company, and complain. They’re getting a little too clever for their own good.

Of course, some people are obviously reading the emails. The super-secret updates receive a good number of comments every week. Also, about five people unsubscribe every time I send one out. Yes, it’s very uplifting… When that happens, the person is given the option to send me an email explaining their decision. Most don’t take ’em up on it, but a few do. Here’s one I received last week:

I wanted this new home to be better than TheWVSR, and I’m afraid I am having a difficult time enjoying the new content.

While the content may not be for me, I do wish you the best in the future.

Thank you for all the laughs, especially the Rocky & Bill stories. I’ll never forget that slice of pizza that got hurled at the wall like a fastball, and the parents coming home to what could only be compared to a scene from Animal House. And let’s not forget the time that Rocky (?) slugged you in the nuts and you said “Get me my glasses so I can kick your ass”. That had me howling laughing so much.

Damn it Jeff, I miss those days reading / talking about that kind of stuff.

I hate to lose a person like this. They’re obviously a longtime reader, and enjoyed my stuff in the past. But I’m 51 years old. I don’t go out and get roaring drunk anymore. Things have changed. I’d like to think I can hold everyone’s attention, regardless of what’s going on. But, clearly, that ain’t always the case. Oh well. It’s a good thing my heart has pretty much turned to coal at this point. Ten years ago an email like the one above would’ve ruined a week. Today? Most of the big emotions have been completely burned out.

Back on August 8 I made the proclamation that I would abstain from drinking alcohol until my second novel was finished. It’s now been two months, and I haven’t written a word. I wonder if the Yuengling Corporation is in a panic-state, wondering what happened? I’m picturing Carl Yuengling, or whatever, standing in front of a chart with a line-graph pointing down, down, down.

I feel good, though. I’m getting more sleep than normal, reading a shitload of books, and guzzling tumblers of liquefied spinach etc. every day. But the main goal — the writing of the novel itself — remains elusive. Soon, very soon. I have some good ideas, I think.

I’m getting ready to hit the road, to pick up the older boy from college. He has a fall break, and so do some of his knucklehead friends who go to other schools. So… most of them will be back this weekend, reunited and ready to make their parents crazy. Good stuff.

Our son and his girlfriend are having problems. In fact, I believe they’re broken up. It changes from day to day, so I might not have received the latest memo. But, in any case, it’s not going well. He’s sad, but seems to be handling it pretty well. Better than I ever did, anyway. Breakups always knocked me on my ass for weeks at a time. He seems to be taking it reasonably well.

It’ll be good to see him, but I dread the super-obscure Jimi Hendrix bootlegs he’ll want to play while driving back this afternoon. It’s all just jamming, no semblance of a song, whatsoever. I can’t stand that kind of thing. It’s like the soundtrack of a nervous breakdown, or a grand mal seizure, or something. Noodling and noodling and noodling… Good god, man! I respect Jimi, and like some of his stuff, but those live recordings make me want to throw myself into an active volcano. Give me the Buzzcocks, any day. Two and a half minutes, baby!

But it’ll be a good visit, I hope. We’re looking forward to seeing him, and have some things planned. Like dinner at his favorite restaurant, etc. I love that boy. We’re going to make sure this visit goes better than the last one. I’ll even endure the Jimi Hendrix live in Terre Haute fan recording of a 37 minute version of “Machine Gun,” or whatever. Just like my dad endured Candy-O, which he absolutely HATED for some reason. Heh. It’s the circle of life.

I don’t have a real question, so we’ll stick to the tried and true: what are your plans for the weekend? Anything exciting? It’s beautiful and full-blown fall here in the Upper Perogie Belt. I probably should mow one more time, and might actually do it. And I might not. We’ll see how it goes.

Have a great one, my friends.


  1. Jazzbone Swirly says

    Maybe you guys can compromise on the drive home, and listen to some Mooney Suzuki or something.

  2. Our kid is making her first trip home from college this weekend, so mostly we’ll focus on spoiling her, I think. She’s already made her food requests (demands?). We’re looking forward to seeing her and giving her a grilling about the boy she seems to be spending a great deal of time with lately.

    And the Hendrix noodling crap? I call it musical masturbation, because they’ve got to be the only ones enjoying that shit. This is why I could never understand Phish fans, or Deadheads for that matter.

    (And yes, the update is going into the Promotions file.)

  3. I’ve got GMail and your notes come to my regular old inbox. Can’t help you there. CAN help you in pointing out the “new” site is doing just fine by me, I like the predictable schedule and it seems that weekly routine helps the content too.

    Glad to hear things are going better with the secrets after the ill-fated visit to campus last month. And the girlfriend breakup was inevitable and while everyone knew it nobody wanted to be the one to say it. Hang in there, Secret.

  4. I think Carl’s brother Clovis is in charge of emails.

  5. The Qweezy Mark says

    If my dad ever heard “Candy-O, I need you so, could you help me in.” he would’ve just looked down and shaken his head in disappointment at what I’ve become to have liked this song.

  6. Weekend plans: we’re hosting a fancy dinner for the remaining kid and his friends for high school Homecoming. Awkward teenagers interacting with their dates is fantastic entertainment. Also at some point this weekend, he will get introduced to a manual transmission for the first time. I’m looking forward to the lovely scent of roasted clutch.

    My copy of the update did not go to Promotions but that’s because a couple of weeks ago I told Gmail not to pull that stunt.

    Good luck with the drive. Suggested compromise: Molly Hatchet. Eighteen year-olds LOVE that stuff.

  7. CasG in Knoxpatch, TN says

    Yuengling is ran but none other than……Dick Yuengling.

  8. My weekend started last night, when Sonny Boy and I went to see Earth, Wind and Fire at the amphitheater here. Excellent show; they played all their favorites. Sonny Boy told a friend of his that we were going and said friend exclaimed surprise that a woman of MY AGE would like E,W&F. I replied that I like good music of any age and genre, thank you very much.

  9. I never have any issues receiving the emails, but for some reason I can’t post comments when using Chrome or Firefox. Fortunately IE works otherwise I’d be stuck with Safari which is a short slide to wearing skinny jeans, ironic trucker hats, and ordering gluten-free food at restaurants.

    It’s Thanksgiving weekend up here so I’m going to ditch work early today and not return until late Tuesday morning. We’ve got a few friends and relatives coming over on Monday for turkey and beef tenderloin.

  10. My wife and I are going the the Beverly Hills of the west, Scottsdale. Scottsdale is a joke, but it’s fun. It really, REALLY wants to be something special and labels itself as something special, but there is nothing special about it. Just because you charge $100 for a glass of wine doesn’t mean anybody is going to buy it.
    There is a bunch of stuff to do, but no more than any other suburb of a mult-million person city. We like to go up some times and crack jokes on all the bros being driven around in little golf carts. We’ll play along with blondies and make fun of them without letting them in on the joke. We really amp up the ass-hole meter when we go. We make it a worse place than it already is.

    We’re staying at a friend of mine who just got a new house. She is absolutely smokin’ hot, and sometimes I have to force my self to look away – but whatever.

  11. It’s good to read he likes good music.

    Have a good time all the time.

  12. My updates are being pre-sorted into my Gmail promotions tab as well.
    When my daughter was preparing to go off to her first year of college last year I suggested it would be best to do so without a boyfriend. And she actually listened to me! (surely that should be recorded somewhere). It made the whole transition easier. One less thing to make you homesick. 🙂

    • I think my high school girlfriend got a similar talk from her mom. That may have been for the best in the long term, but there was no smiley-face here.

  13. My son had his first teacher workday this past Wednesday. In a bonding moment, I let him plan the day. We went to the comic book store and Krispy Kreme and capped it off with a visit to the beer store.

    He’s only 5, but he totally gets me.

  14. Carl Google-Rappaport.

    I’m off on Saturday so we are renting draft day. We made it through half last week then passed out. This is try two. The movie isn’t bad but the cinematographer uses wipes like he just learned of said feature

    • I’m watching ol’ Rappaport calling the baseball game on TBS. Everytime I see him I can’t help but think of Carl Rappaport…and smile.

  15. Lew in Bama says

    YAY, I can see the comments again. For some reason, the regular update comment section is blocked by the morale killers (IT dept) here at work…but I can see the super secret update comments no problem.
    Our weekend will be spent cleaning the house, celebrating my husbands birthday, and glued to the tv watching football, specifically the Auburn/Miss State game (WAR EAGLE!!)!!
    We are having his requested birthday dinner of grilled lobster tails, corn on the cob, and prosciutto-wrapped asparagus with a peanut butter and chocolate birthday cake. Tomorrow we will fire up the grill again for either ribs or smoked wings.
    We haven’t both been home for the weekend in over a month, so we are looking forward to coffee and breakfast on the porch and some “husband-wife” time.

    • John in the gump says

      Roll Tide. Haha y’all got beat by a Mississippi team. Oh sht, we did too. What the hell is going on. My wife is Hotty Toddy and walking that thin line very well.

      • Lew in Bama says

        We played like a sh*tty high school team the first quarter, and a sh*tty college team the other 3. We deserved to lose that game.
        Congrats to the Miss State and Ole Miss fans, but lets hope they know how to handle success properly since they’ve never really experienced it.

  16. Don’t worry Jeff…. We’re keeping Yuengling in business down here outside of Reading…
    They’ll still be here when you come back

  17. your email was coming to my spam folder for awhile i fixed that now it comes to promotions havent checked if i can fix that yet. also don’t worry about Yuengling brewing company i drink more than enough of that stuff for the both of us.

  18. Tomorrow I have some kind of bullshit one-mile walk for charity, which really isn’t worth the time it’ll take to drive out there, but I signed up through work so I’ll show up anyway. In the evening, I’m singing with my classic rock band at a bar in the far-flung ‘burbs. Sunday: nothing. I plan to enjoy that to the fullest and I could be convinced to leave the house and spend some of my gig money on a dinner I don’t have to cook.

    • I signed up for s 5k on October 22 and I’m now questioning my sanity. Wtf was I thinking? Oh and this is supposed to boost morale at work. Christ…

      • I’d actually rather do a 5k (walking, not running). At least that’s a reasonable amount of exercise. A walked mile is 20 minutes of largely wasted time and it’s going to take another 20+ minutes each way to drive to where they’re holding the event.

  19. Skippy in WV says

    I use gmail exclusively and I’ve never had an issue with your Friday e-mails going in another folder. I heard of a new craft beer store here in Huntington, think I’ll check it out and maybe get some craft brews for this weekend of football and relaxation.

  20. skippy if your talking about the place at heritage station its ok but pretty pricey. seriously go to drug emporium by the mall they opened a health food/craft beer place the selection is killer and priced well they also have tons of wine if that’s your thing.

  21. Austin John says

    It’s a hockey weekend for me! Oldest grandson has hockey practice tonight; we love Friday night hockey practice! About 10 yards out the side door of the rink is the Austin Beerworks. For $10, you get a ticket and 3 tokens. At the bar you exchange the ticket for the ‘glass de jour’, a nice glass container for your beverage. Then the tokens are used to fill that glass with whatever beer you select. And they rotate various food trucks through, so my wife and I can have a nice little ‘date night’ while the boy is sweating on the ice.
    Saturday night is opening night for our AHL Texas Stars. Going to raise the championship banners from last season, so it should be a good time.
    Sunday night… well, let’s don’t talk about Sunday night. It’s back to work.

  22. Your email has been coming to my promotions folder for at least a month, possibly longer. It’s not a problem for me because I have an intense online shopping addiction and check that folder roughly 400 times each day. Nonetheless, it is happening.

  23. Did you mean Carl Hendrix?

  24. Tomorrow is our 17th wedding anniversary. I still don’t have a gift. I took today off and we made s special trip to one of our favorite seafood restaurants for lunch. Hadn’t been here in about 2 years because its out of the way. And…the place SUCKED. They must be using frozen fish. I wanted to weep.

  25. I do not use Gmail, so no input on the PROMOTIONS issue.

    Weekend plans: sleep in tomorrow. I’ve been non-stop between work and my daughter’s wedding, which we pulled off without a hitch last Saturday and could use some real sleep. One of our IT VP’s came into my cube about half an hour ago with tickets to the Falcons game, so on Sunday, Mr. Q and I will be in a suite eating little weenies on toothpicks with people who rank far higher than we do at work. But it’s football, so bring it on!!!!

  26. squawvalleyskip says

    My weekend ends at 11PM tonight. I work nights, with Wed and Thurs night off. I spent yesterday putting together one of those Teeter Hang-up things. My wife got it for me for my birthday, which was actually at the end of last month. She thinks it will help with my lower back problem. Time will tell. But it’s going to take some getting used to, that’s for sure. A couple minutes on that thing, at the tied down and least upside down position it has makes my head feel like it’s about to pop. My vascular system isn’t used to pumping blood out of an upside down head, I guess. Also spent part of yesterday going out to dinner with the wife. While we were in town we stopped by a sports collectible kind of place and picked up a Dodgers jersey for a 13 year old girl we know. Poor kid lost everything she owned, including her Dodger jersey collection, in the Courtney Fire at Bass Lake a month or so ago. She had a few minutes to help great-grandma out of the house, and a minute to grab a hamper of dirty laundry. Everything else burned to the ground.

  27. I’ve had Amazon Prime for a year but have just now discovered binge watching shows I never got to see when I full time worked while completeing my information technology degree.. I am just starting on Deadwood season 2 so I guess I will be spending my weekend counting f**ks.

  28. I’m required to have a gmail account because I have an Android phone, but I don’t believe I’ve ever checked it. On account of being a control freak, I run my own mail server.

    This weekend I need to write some code. I’ll probably cook something too, but I’m not sure what.

  29. Been reading something like 14yrs, I think. The thing I miss most about WVSR is “A bowl of corn, motherfuckers!” That had been gone a while before the big change, but it got me every time.

  30. Most weekends I go on a longish, easy-going bicycle ride (20-25 miles) on a nice bike trail near here. I hate to miss it as it is the only real exercise I get, though it is a little rough on the gooch. While riding I listen to podcasts so my thoughts don’t fixate on the miserable preceding week at my job.

  31. I get to trim the hair on my dog’s ass so he doesn’t get dingleberries. That’s my weekend.

    • You win – thanks for the laugh.

    • johnthebasket says

      Man, I really need a haircut, but I’m not going to inquire as to our geographic propinquity on the off-chance the dog gets there first, even though chances are I’m the better tipper.


  32. Gordian Knott says

    Um, I’m still reading and enjoying the super-secret updates . . . but I miss the originals, when this feature came into existence back in 2010 or so. Back then, “super-secret” meant juicy details on the in-laws, Eninen and the transparents, embarrassing or humorous personal accounts, and the like–stuff that would get Jeff in hot water if published on the main site. So, I looked forward to the updates and saved them in my mail box.

    This type of content doesn’t have to appear every week, but could the Friday updates return to being super-secret again? It will give us a reason to look forward to Fridays (besides being the start of the weekend).

  33. Going to my 30-year class reunion this weekend. Not sure why.

    At one point it was suggested we rent a bus and do a “pub crawl.” For our 30-year class reunion.


  34. I’m spending the weekend at home alone with the puppy. It’s 5 o’clock on a Saturday, and far from shuffling into a bar to listen to a piano man sing sad songs about the crap hand he’s been dealt, I’m yelling at the dog every 5 minutes to stop mauling the cat, letting the dog out to pee every few hours, making up errands to get myself out of the house, and focusing entirely too much on Facebook.

    I am the Least Interesting Woman in the World.

  35. Wisey in Ttown says

    I loved the old site and I think the new one is as good or better. Keep up the good work brother!

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