Three Day Weekend, Return of the Gnats, and Rock ‘n’ Roll Tattoos

slow downIt was a big super-sized weekend for your corpulent correspondent, and it was a good time. Reasonably good, anyway. How’d it go for you guys?

The weather here was perfect until Monday, when it turned hot and sticky, and remains so today. Man, I hate this kind of weather. Right now I’m sitting in the bunker, listening to an obscure band called We Were Promised Jetpacks, covered in a thin layer of oil and sweat. NOT a fan. I’m shinier than James Brown.

But I did do one thing right… I mowed on Saturday, before it turned into the devil’s ass crack out there. I don’t know why I didn’t put it off, it’s what I usually do, but this time I chose the exact right time to tend to my yardly duties. It wasn’t fun, but it could’ve been much, much worse.

After I finished, I was convinced I had ticks on me. In my hair, or maybe on the underside of my scrotum. I’ve heard from half a dozen people that there are an inordinate number of ticks this year. People apparently love nothing more than to pass along tick news. Right? I’m hearing it, everywhere I go.

I joke, but I know someone who had a tick on his sac. He said he grabbed the parasite with a pair of tweezers, tried to pull it out, and was shocked at the hyper-elasticity of the host. He told me his arm was almost fully outstretched before the thing finally popped loose. Heh.

Anyway, I think I’m good. I found nothing that wasn’t supposed to be there.

However… the gnats are out. I don’t know where they go (underground?), but they’ve made their return. And fuck those things. Why are they here? On Earth, I mean? What is their purpose?? They get in my eyes, and buzz my ears like a Blue Angel flyover. And don’t even get me started on the silent G! Gnats are the worst. In fact, summer is kinda bullshit, generally. Who’s with me?!

Once again, the Jeff Kay Ranking o’ the Seasons, from best to worst: Fall, Spring, Winter, Summer.

We did a lot of walking over the weekend. There are some great, new trails in this area, and Toney and I took advantage of some of them. I like walking, until the gnats and humidity kick in. So, I guess that’s over. We had a good three-week run with it. Maybe I’ll go back in October, and hopefully those great, new trails won’t be covered in Mickey’s Big Mouth bottles, and spent condoms. Good times.

Speaking of condoms, are you ready for a laugh? I took a 10 question quiz on Facebook the other day. At the end they’re supposed to be able to guess the number of sex partners I’ve had during my life. Their guess? 862. WTF?? Did I answer exactly like Wilt Chamberlain, or something? I’m not going to go too deeply into the details, but their number is SLIGHTLY overstated. Good god.

I need to call it a day, my friends. A cubicle of broken dreams is calling my name. But, before I go…

Someone posted on Facebook a few days ago about the new tattoos he and a buddy got, to commemorate the Replacements reunion. The photo is below, and is in reference to the last song on the Hootenanny album.

matstatsI don’t have any tattoos, but I started thinking… If I’d gotten one for every concert I attended during my life, which would be the most embarrassing in 2015? Molly Hatchet? Loverboy? Hall & Oates? It’s hard to say. The Beach Boys would be fairly lame, as well. And I doubt too many people have Statler Bros. tattoos.

How would you answer that question? And I’ll leave you now with our old buddy Harv, who clearly wasn’t embarrassed by any of his musical choices. He probably should’ve been (Toto?!), but he wore it all as a badge of honor.


Have yourselves a great day, my friends.

I’ll be back soon.

Support us by doing your shopping at Amazon! If you’re in Canada, here’s your link. Thank you guys!


  1. Clearly, Harv and I saw A LOT of the same bands in our concert-going years.

  2. sunshine_in_va says

    Rick Springfield is the one he should be embarrassed about.

  3. It was a great Memorial day weekend for me… caught up on some much needed sleep, drank my weight in beer and yesterday’s highlight was marinated steaks on the grill.
    So damn tasty…

  4. squawvalleyskip says

    I worked the whole weekend, and so did the Mrs. On the Thursday before we had to take our beloved Gracie, a pit bull/mastiff mix that we’ve assumed responsibility for, for the last 13 years to the vet and let her go to wait for me at the Rainbow Bridge. Kind of put a damper on our one day off together, but it was time. When I saw that she weighed in at 104 pounds I had a feeling we waited a little too long. At her peak she was right at 150. Now we only have a little jack russell looking mutt who’s never been an only dog. Sorry. I had get that out. Didn’t mean to be a post-weekend downer. On another note, it’s summer here too, and dry as hell. We’re in the middle of the California drought. And the heat is coming. I’d much rather have it be 0 degrees than 100. My lovely wife, however, thinks 100 is just warming up.

  5. madz1962 says

    I could say my most embarrassing concert would have been Neil Diamond but goddamn, that was a great show! I took my parents and aunt and it was a fantastic night.

    Maybe Madonna was the worst. I just never liked her but took my younger sister for her birthday circa 1987.

    Fantastic Memorial Day weekend but I have to agree with Jeff. It started getting nasty hot yesterday. Today is worse.

    Favorite seasons: Fall, Winter, Spring, Summer

  6. Spot on assessment of the seasons. I agree, summer blows. Sweating your nutsack off just sitting there does not qualify as a good time.

    I’m having trouble adding an avatar picture. Jeff, help?

    • johnthebasket says

      Hi Six,

      I got mine here, which is the site Jeff recommended in his first Maturity post. . .

      If you ever need to re-enter your ID and spell it incorrectly, or if you want to change your ID on Maturity, you’ll need to update the Gravatar info as well.

  7. If an arm with that tattoo handed me a sack of food through a window, I’d think that’s about right, someone who makes decisions that poor has peaked in life at Burger King. Good grief this tattoo fad needs to end soon.

  8. Toto was my first concert, 1978 in Scranton. Harv drove me.

    • The Qweezy Mark says

      I thought Frampton was before that.

      • Nope…He was after that, dead of summer. Vodka and orange juice weather.

        • The Qweezy Mark says

          Well then, this represents a problem for me. I could swear I took No Talk to the Toto concert and you yahoos went separately. I’m pretty sure I dated her going into Senior Year. Am I all effed up here? I remember her little brother approaching me in the locker room and telling me their Dad “wanted to kill me.” Heh, heh!

  9. Fuck Summer.

  10. johnthebasket says

    The temps in the Puget Sound region of the Great Pacific Northwest have been topping out in the low 70s. Throughout the summer, we’ll have twenty-five days in the 80s, five or six in the 90s, and the rest in the 70s (except for the 4th of July, when it traditionally is 65 and raining). All with pretty low humidity.

    On seasonal preferences, where you stand depends a lot on where you sit: For me, and for most on Puget Sound, it’s summer/spring/fall/winter. There are a few snow skiers who would go with winter first. They, in my view, are entirely welcome to fuck themselves.

    We don’t need any new residents; we’ve already pretty well fucked our forests in the ass. However, I should say this about the rain . . .

    Scranton, where Jeff lives, gets 36 inches of rain a year. Tacoma, where I live gets 38. Yeah, but how about precipitation days? Scranton – 129; Tacoma – 146. On the other hand, it doesn’t snow much here at sea level. We had no snow last winter.

    I lived and worked in Philly and Baltimore for a while. In comparison, the humidity in Tacoma is somewhere around zero.

    One downside, of course, is that you can smoke a joint any time you want, and grow quite a few mary jane plants, all legally. The bastards.

    Just think of me as your personal Princess Summerfallwinterspring if you feel a need to think of me at all. All that stuff is legal as well.



  11. Dogberryjr says

    Styx. Please forgive me, I was young.

  12. My Raffi tatt is pretty sweet.

  13. revashane says

    If it doesn’t stop raining here I’m gonna open a vein. Spring my fave but this year is for the birds. Horse got an abscess because of the wet and I thought I would have to put him down, he’s a weenie. Love summer at the beach so thats where we’re retiring. Winter makes outdoor work easier and I Effin hate Fall. Embarrassing concert? Alabama, dont ask. I felt like I was at the Country Bear Jamboree. (full body shiver)

  14. Loggins and Messina, summer of ’76. Your mama don’t dance…

    I waited until Monday to mow, but I got it done in the early (for a holiday) morning so the weather wasn’t too bad. Other than that it was pretty much drink, grill some food, drink, put up the new shower curtain rod and drink.

    It’s 90-something and humid here in NoVa. I expect relief around October-ish. Why, in the name of all that is holy, did I make risotto?

  15. Forgot to mention it, but today marks the start of Gin and Bitter Lemon Season.

  16. johnthebasket says

    Herman’s Hermits. The mosh pit was savage.

    • I once read an article about survival tips for the mosh pit. I’ll try to dig it up.

    • Jazzbone Swirly says

      I just hope you didn’t get crushed by Peter Noone during his stage dive at the end of “There’s a Kind of Hush”

      • Uncle_Wedgie says

        I went to a fund raiser a couple of months ago where Herman’s Hermits and friends played and they were pretty good. At the cocktail party prior to the dinner and show I was talking to some raggedy looking dude. Turns out it was Eric Burden and I did not realize it until he took the stage.

  17. About 15 years ago, I was living in the home in which I grew up, down in Northumberland County. Dad had a wood pile next to the wood-burning stove that he kept stocked all winter in our family room. I can only assume that’s how I wound up with a tick biting my ass, beneath my underwear and robe one morning IN THE MIDDLE OF JANUARY! Holy crap–I felt something kind of pinch my butt cheek like a splinter, and then I went to the bathroom to disrobe and investigate. To my shock, it was not a splinter but a tick gorging itself on my cheek blood. Thankfully, no bulls-eye rash developed. Can you imagine that doctor’s visit?!

    Love the “Harv” headstone. That’s totally me, but with different bands, some of which I’ve seen upwards of 20 times. My first concert was Duran Duran at the Mann back in 1993. It was incredible, and I’m not embarrassed!

    There’s an awesome winery near Sunbury that routinely hosts classic rock bands: The Spyglass Ridge Winery. It’s pretty easy to get to (and depart from) for anyone in NEPA. Kansas routinely plays there, and this year Heart and Cheap Trick are playing. Past bands have included Styx, REO Speedwagon, Blue Oyster Cult, Foghat, & Johnny & Edgar Winter. Also, I just learned that Queenrych is playing a few miles down the road this year at a fire hall in Hummel’s Warf, which is equal parts awesome and tragic!

    • Sunbury… isn’t that right along 15? I seem to recall it being along the large stretch between Harrisburg and Williamsport.

  18. DeBarge

  19. Jazzbone Swirly says

    My first rock concert was Van Halen-Ronnie Montrose-Journey in 1978. The air was very thick with marijuana smoke, as I recall. It seems like I have pulled ticks off of just about every personal space on my body at one point or another. I have spent a bunch of time outdoors (for both recreation and work). I suppose I’m lucky that I never contracted a tick-borne disease. The woods in Missouri seem to to be the tickiest of anywhere that I’ve been. The chiggers there are even worse. Looking forward to seeing the Mountain Goats tonight. The new album full of wrestling songs is pretty great.

  20. Wisey in Ttown says

    Molly Hatchet rules!

    My first concert was Sammy Hagar and Quarterflash. Sammy was great, Quarterflash was a one hit wonder. Rindy Ross could sure play the sax though.

  21. squawvalleyskip says

    My first concert was Bill Haley and the Comets, believe it or not. At the Mary E, Sawyer auditorium in La Crosse, WI. Back when dinosaurs still roamed grandma’s garden. Since then I’ve seen quite a few, but I like to think I’ve been pretty selective. And my concert going days have pretty much ended. But I did take the wife to see J.J. Cale at the Tower in Fresno a few years back. Glad I made that one. A great show in a small hall, and I’ll never get the chance again.

    • Damned dinosaurs. Get off my lawn!

      But yeah, that “never get the chance again” rings true. I still tell my friends’ kids that if there’s a band they’d like to see, jump on it if you get the chance. There might not be a next time.

  22. Milli Vanilli in Atlanta in July 1989. That’s pretty embarrassing.

  23. Franky T says

    Willie Nelson in the late 70’s.
    Strange mix of men in ties, bikers, burnouts, and housewives, pretty dang cool.

  24. Nobody commented on the sky 11 banner,slow down and drink and drive

    • That’s awesome. I looked right past it. I’ll bet money that the Chyron operator was not reprimanded.

  25. The Divine Miss E says

    Nickelback, 2002. Ugggggghhhhhh. My only defense is it was a summer festival and it was cheap. Just kidding, there is no defense.