The Week That Was: Drug Stores, Sickness, and Some Rare Good News

wtsOn Twitter I once posted something along the lines of “I rarely throw a hissy fit at this advanced age, but when I do… it’s inside a drug store.”

And it’s true. What’s the story with those places?! Why do they infuriate me so?

Just yesterday I went into one, to pick up a prescription for Toney, and was flexing my jaws within minutes. There were two registers open, and one line. I appreciated the fairness of the situation, but knew it would only lead to problems. Because humanity is a shithouse.

It was going well for a while, but at some point we crossed some kind of threshold, and my inner-sensors were telling me it was taking too long. Pick up the pace, dickheads!

And eventually, while we waited… someone did the predictable thing: walked up and tried to turn it into a two registers/two lines kind of deal. Apparently the dude thought there were five people waiting to use the register on the right, while nobody was waiting for the register on the left? More likely, he was just oblivious… like the rest of the human race.

I assessed the situation, and felt like I was still at an advantage. The old guy in front of me seemed to be wrapping it up, while the old lady in front of him was still talking about her grandson the Lids manager, or whatever. The people behind me? They were on their own.

But my old guy wouldn’t leave. It took an impossible amount of time, and I was huffing and puffing, shifting from foot to foot. If the interloper got helped first, and I hadn’t made an issue of it… Well, I’d hate myself, even more than usual.

But the guy finally moved, and I won. Ha! I felt like pumping my fist in the air. The interloper could suck it. And after I was finished, I asked the cashier, “Just curious? Why did it take me, like, 30 seconds to complete my transaction, and it takes everybody else 7 minutes? What’s the difference?”

Wanna guess her response? It’s the question of the day, and here’s a hint: It was highly unsatisfactory.

Toney’s sick. We thought she had the flu, and I convinced her to go to an Urgent Care kind of place. I mean, Jesus J. McChrist… It sounded like a tuberculosis ward in here. But, as it turns out, it’s not the flu. It’s something along the lines of a severe sinus infection. I’m unclear. But she’s hawkin’ and snottin’, and running a temperature. They gave her a prescription, which is what I was picking up when I encountered the interloper.

I have to be careful, when Toney’s sick. Luckily, it doesn’t happen very often, but I’ve been around long enough to know the drill. I can’t show even a hint of concern about catching her illness. If I do, I only care about myself, and am one selfish son of a bitch. It’s a tightrope, I tell ya…

Wish me luck, my friends.

I got some rare good news last week: I’ve been promoted at work. On February 15 I’ll move into a new role. I found out last Wednesday, and wasn’t allowed to talk about it. But they announced it on Friday, so I didn’t have to sit on it too long.

This is a job I applied for several years ago, and was denied. But this time around… it worked out. It’ll be a new set of challenges, with more responsibility (much more), but I’m ready for it. I’ve been in the same position for seven years; it’s well past the time for a shake-up.

Also, it should lead to a more sensible schedule. Generally speaking, I shouldn’t have to work 55 hours per week, like I’m doing now. I’m sure I’ll occasionally have those kinds of weeks, just not all the time. And that’ll be an improvement.

Maybe I can even get this site back on track soon? That’s one of the goals. The past few months have kicked my ass. But there’s been a payoff. I know, I can hardly believe it myself…

It’s snowing here, and the schools are closed. On Facebook I saw that one of my colleagues at work didn’t make it in today, and it’s supposed to get worse as the day progresses.

I hate this shit, I really do. I’m going in, but will be harboring a low-wattage worry all night. I have a 40 mile ride home, and that’s a lot of opportunity for mayhem. I think tomorrow is going to be exactly the same, and so was this past Friday. Enough already! Enough with the “snow events.”

On Friday night it was a freaking mess out there. Interstate 81 hadn’t been touched, and there were cars going 20 mph with their flashers on. I had to venture into the left lane to go around them, and that was the wild frontier over there: it felt like I was the first person to ever drive in that lane, and the snow was dragging against the underbelly of my car.

And now I get to do it two more times, in as many days. Simply fantastic.

I have more stuff to tell you about, but need to call it a day here. I’ll try to write more in the next day or two. Stay tuned.

Thanks for reading, my friends!

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  1. The response: “Uh, I don’t know.” *Blank stare*

    • That’s my guess as well.

      Congrats on the promotion, Jeff! I hope it brings sanity and gobs of wealth into your world.

  2. At the drugstore: There was some kind of sale item that they ran out of, and they were issuing rain checks.

    Congratulations on the promotion!

  3. Congratulations on the promotion.

    I’m going to stop complaining about my 12-mile commute (which is still worse than my previous six-mile commute) after seeing that you drive 40. That’s awful!

    Also, we have completely lucked out here in Kansas City this winter. I’ve been outside without a coat on multiple times this month and it’s supposed to be 66 degrees on Wednesday. It’s snowed once so far this winter and it melted on its own within a day.

  4. Swami Bologna says

    My guess: “Next !” (Or, if the cashier was a person of color, “Nex !”)

  5. Seeing the shit storm brewing up there makes me love my 1.4 mile commute to the office. It takes 4 minutes if I hit the stop light is red and 3 if it’s green.

  6. Congrats on the promotion! I got two last year, within seven months of each other, and sincerely wish I’d turned down the second. Life has sucked since then.

    Cashier’s response: “Other people like human interaction. You obviously don’t. Next!”

  7. Jazzbone Swirly says

    “Talkative most other people are. Unfriendly you are.” (the cashier was Yoda)

  8. johnthebasket says

    Jeff . . .

    I didn’t quite understand whether the promotion entailed moving to day shift or just fewer hours. I worked 55 or 60 hours a week for years, and while it was draining, it never kicked my ass like working 40 or 45 hours on swing or grave.

    Congrats in either case. It has seemed obvious that you’re overqualified for the job you have now, and a job that offers challenges is less taxing on the soul than one that doesn’t.

    I think the lady said you were faster because you were only buying a prescription at the prescription counter instead of a prescription, a bottle of cheap wine, a shirt and slacks, a dozen ping pong balls, a case of batteries, fifteen candy bars, sexy disposable underwear, a deck of cards missing the bar code, and a parrot.


  9. Congratulations, Jeff. Nice to hear about your promotion.

    Cashier? I’m thinking she may have been explaining some Medicare stuff to the elderly gent.

    I’m right smack in the middle of the 2 foot plus blizzard. Thank GOD I had the foresight to hit the liquor store yesterday.

  10. Congrats Jeff!

  11. Her response:



    Who is the poor bastard that’s going to get stuck with your previous job? Is that schmoe ready?

  12. My guess? Something along the lines of “they have much more serious ailments than you, or in this case, Toney.”

  13. Steve in WV says

    Congratulations on the promotion!

  14. They paid with checks/benefit cards, and/or they were utilizing coupons of some sort?

    Or English wasn’t their first language?

    Or the old go-to: “I don’t know.”

  15. Good job on the promotion.
    Gonna bitch for a minute:
    I’m unemployed again. The shitty factory I was working at was switching to 12 hr shifts which isn’t compatible for us currently. The girl has been with the same company for roughly 6 yrs this stretch with a stretch back in the late 90’s/00’s and it has insurance and such. But at her new store she closes every day and gets home by about 730.
    My role was taking care of the kidlet during the day, then the older kidlet when he got home from school (dinner, homework, ready for bed, etc) then off to the 3rd shift job from 9 to 8 am (with commute included). We are trying to keep the kids out of daycare (and it would have negated my check anyway.
    So 2015 has consisted of me staying at home with the kids during the day and looking for some work from home solution (amazon turk helps a little) and selling plasma.
    Good times.
    Sorry for the rant, congrats Jeff and stay safe on the highway.

  16. Ron from PA says

    Congrats as well on the new gig.
    Cashier: “Why to you care” or “None of your business”
    And I’m right here with ya. But I don’t think we’ll get too much. Not the apocalypse they are predicting for New England, Maybe just another couple, two tree, as they say around here.

  17. I just took my first pass through the snow from my front door to the barn (fancy shmancy name for the conversion of said barn to garage). By the time I got to the barn the path I cleared was already covered again. It’s like arranging deck chairs on the Titanic.

  18. Congrats on the promotion! I hope it comes with a raise. Ideally it would come with both a raise and somewhat normal-ish work hours.

    As for the cashier’s unsatisfactory response, I imagine it was an uncomprehending stare. As to why the old guy took so long – which wasn’t the question – I’ll say he was writing a check and maybe also arguing about the price of something, or insisting that his coupon was not actually expired. If it had been an old woman paying cash, she would have been rummaging in her purse for pennies.

    • Old people just talk to everybody.

    • I’ve always hated change and would produce it whenever possible. Somewhere in my late 40s it dawned on me that I had become that old lady digging for change. Shit! Getting older really sucks. Now I only dig if no one else is in line. Dont want to be a stereotype because I still see myself as cool.

  19. bikerchick says

    We went to PetsMart yesterday afternoon. All we needed was a giant bag of food for our pooch. When we got to the registers, only one was open and there were at least 10 people in line. Why is it when they open up another register, the assholes at the end of the line immediately RUN to the newly opened register instead of letting the people who were already in line go before them? Selfish pricks.

    We stayed in our line to let the people before us go…but unfortunately the dicks behind us beat them to it. Plus the people in our line only had onenor two items to buy. But, as usual, we were the last ones to go. Last. Why? Because people can’t read or comprehend what they read. Using a debit card in that place is suicide. Once you swipe your card, you’re instantly inundated with 50 questions: would you like to donate to some charity?… much? Zipcode? Is your amount correct? Signature needed…… paper or plastic? Dogs or cats? Crunch, wrap, or fold????? Jeeesuuss!!!!! The old guy in front of us didn’t have his glasses with him so he couldn’t see!! The clerk had to read it to him. Fuck me running. I was losing my mind. All we wanted was a bag of dog food. One bag.

  20. Congratulations on the promotion!

    My commute is one flight of stairs. I will not being going outside tomorrow until it stops. We have beer, wine and snacky cakes ,so we’ll be fine if it lasts all day.

  21. Congrats and good luck with your new hours and responsibilities.

    The cashier probably said something like ‘I get paid by the hour or I get paid the same either way or I do not get paid by volume…’

    Whenever I am waiting in line at CVS or Walgreens I look for money in the candy / gum boxes by the register. I Find change often and a few months ago I found a ten dollar bill all crumpled up.

    • Reminds me of my yoof… taking the subway to and from school, I would always check any pay phone I happened across. One time I hit the jackpot and walked off with hundreds of nickels. We takes what we can gets.

  22. I haven’t read all the comments but I suppose it’s safe to assume someone else made this observation…

    “yes, sir, seven minutes is average… But if you’re routinely finishing in 30 seconds, our pharmacist may have some ideas for you.”

    Yeyyy raise.
    Boooo sick wife.
    Yeyyyy snow.
    Boooo snow.

    -Nalts was here

  23. Here is a “thrice forwarded tale” for your enjoyment:

    …The lady pharmacist assured me that she was completely professional and whatever it was that I needed to discuss, I could be confident that she would treat me with a high level of professionalism.

    I agreed and began by saying, “This is tough for me to discuss, but I get erections every day that last more than four hours. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment and I was wondering what you could give me for it.”

    The pharmacist said, “Just a minute, I’ll talk to my sister”.

    When she returned, she said, “We discussed it at length and this is the absolute best we can do:
    – 1/3 ownership in the store,
    – a company pickup truck,
    – a king size bed, and
    – $3,000 a month in living expenses”

  24. Cashier’s Response:

    “Sir, someday very soon, you’ll be an old fuck, with no friends and will talk to anybody with a pulse. Now, here’s your shit, get out!!”

    • LMAO – Excellent (sigh) and probably true.

    • Daughter is 15. I try to get her to watch classic movies because my family is always quoting them and she doesn’t understand most of them. Anyway, we watched Taxi Driver and she freaked out when she discovered DeNiro was in Meet the Parents and Jodie Foster was in Silence. “Honey, take this to heart, WE ALL GET OLD” (grumbling, fishing for change at Wal)

    • Spot on mate. I’ve accepted it and actually secretly wish someone in a store had the stones to say that.

    • Dorothy B. Raught says

      i’m a fucking old person and i don’t want to fucking talk to ANYBODY!!! i’ve done enough fucking talking in my life and just want to be left alone. fuck me running is my new favorite expression. love it, thanks.btw i’m 80yrs old so i’m entitled. heh.

      • johnthebasket says

        Sing it, Sister Dorothy. . . I agree. Pissing on old people will solve all your problems and speed you through your day, so you can get home five minutes earlier to search for large prime numbers and develop improved farming techniques for drought-ridden countries, or whatever important work you carry on after you have sped through the line at Rite Aid.


  25. Jeff got a promotion and today I lost my job. 15 years of blood sweat and tears down the shitter.

    • johnthebasket says

      Jesus, madz, I’m so sorry about the job. How’s the job market around the City and in other areas within reasonable distance? I hope this works out so you get a better job with an easier commute. Good luck.


      • Thanks jtb I live in the burbs and Dont relish the thought of commuting back to NYC. Doing my resume tomorrow on the company dime.

    • Bill in WV says

      Holy shit, no way!! It sounds like you were actually one of the more responsible people who worked at that place and they treat you like that?? I hope you can soon thumb your nose at those bastards with a new job with an employer that respects you. It’s no wonder that people kill their former employers.

      • Thanks Bill. Time to pick myself up and dust myself off.

        • Bill in WV says

          Different situation 11 years ago, but I hated the company I was working for, so I decided I would quit the job I’d occupied for 16 years and start looking for another job. The job market in Charleston, WV has never been the greatest, so I knew I had a challenge on my hands. I was even preparing to draw out all of my retirement (6 figures) and live off of it for however long it held out. I turned in my two week notice, they told me that I could just work the rest of that day and call it quits and they would pay me for the next two months, with benefits. Great, don’t have to come into that shithole every day, but still get paid. I had quite a bit of PTO time built up that they would have had to pay me for, so really, they didn’t go over and beyond anything, other than the benefits thing. I agreed to the deal. My first day of unemployment, I checked the local paper and there was a job listing that looked right up my alley. I applied and it’s where I sit today. Things work out for a reason. I’m glad they did, because I was not in a good place then and who knows what I would have done, had they not worked out. Hang in there friend, you’ll be just fine !!

          • Oh I view this as a blessing in disguise. I haven’t been happy for a long time in my current job, I’ll get a decent severance package so it’s time to re-assess my life and maybe move in a new direction. I’m ready! Scared of the dough running out, but ready!

            • I hate to hear this news, Madz. Where I live, you can draw unemployment benefits even though you are drawing severance pay. Ask for your “notice of separation” and march your ass down to the unemployment agency; you may be able to draw benefits there also. I put the unemployment checks in savings for a little back-up in case things got really bad financially. I had worked at the same company for 24 years when my position was eliminated. Like you, I had been unhappy for many years, but because of my tenure, kept hanging on. It’s pretty sad when you get up every morning, dreading going to work. I’m hoping you find a much better job that you like! My best to you.

    • Shit, Madz, that sucks. I’m sorry. All I can offer is what I did when I was in that situation. I got canned on a Friday. I spent the weekend feeling sorry for myself, then Monday morning I started cruising competitors’ websites. “Click here to submit your resume,” so I did. I ended up with a far superior job to the one I got canned from.

      Wishing you the best.

      • You guys are the greatest. Thanks fir all your well wishes. Preparing my resume tomorrow on the company dime.

  26. The Army is fucking retarded.
    From a document tracking domistic violence on installations:

    “How many FAP incidents have occured?”
    “How many commanders are FAP trainined?”
    “What percent of units conduct unit FAP training?”

    I guess self-abuse is domestic violence.