I Wasn’t Looking For It, But Today I Found the Internet’s Anus

tmzA couple of hours ago I clicked through a headline that said comedian Joan Rivers had stopped breathing during a surgical procedure, and was in critical condition. The link took me to the TMZ website, where there was a brief article about what had happened. Basically the headline covered it: she was having surgery on her vocal cords, stopped breathing, and was rushed to a hospital.

joan riversThen it happened: I accidentally stumbled upon the unwiped, fully-dilated anus of the internet itself. It was displayed, right here, on my computer screen. And I probably don’t have to tell you, it was horrifying.

Yep, you guessed it… I’d scrolled to the bottom of the page, and started reading the comments. Holy shit! Have we finally reached the end, my friends? Has society officially collapsed on our watch?

In case anyone is unaware, Joan Rivers has had a long career built upon controversial comments, and saying things that aren’t supposed to be uttered in polite company. She’s a provocateur, and a comic. That has been her schtick for all my life. And I’m old.

Recently she pissed some folks off with her unfiltered opinions about the perma-mess in the Middle East. And a couple of months ago she got people whipped up with some comments about the Obamas. A few years back she was supposedly “banned” from Fox News for going on a rant about Sarah Palin, and calling her “a retarded person.”

This is what she does. It’s amazing that people care so much. Joan Rivers is an 81 year old comedian, without a TV show (as far as I know), or much of a platform. Why get so worked-up over it? Why does it infuriate people so much to realize  there are others out there with differing opinions? Or even stupid opinions, if you see it that way? Who gives a crap?

In any case, the comments beneath today’s TMZ article are CRAZY. I’ll give you a small taste, and invite you to take a look for yourself, if you dare. I’m an internet veteran, and am not really shocked by this. But the sheer volume of the vitriol is a bit surprising. Further evidence the end is near…






busdaughter3It goes on and on, for pages. What’s happened to us?? Seriously. These people hate a person for making horrible remarks, so they make even more horrible remarks in response? Genius! I’m sure they consider themselves to be humanitarians and lofty thinkers, too.

Why has everything become so nasty and angry? I’m not exactly Mr. Rogers over here, and even I’m appalled.

I’ll see you guys again next time.

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  1. My on air co host and I saw the same thing you did and had the same reaction! Man, some people either have some deep problems. or they don’t know how to be funny.

  2. NEVER read the comments! Except here. Here is good. Most everyplace else is chock full of crazy.

    • I’m with you!! Never read the comments. Self preservation, if for nothing else. It can really bring you to a wierd state of mind. You could be having the best day of the year and you read the comments on an innocuous story and you just get depressed over how people can be.
      I have, at times, read some that pertain to the company I work for and regret it every single time. Someone can do an article on us on how we gave $10,000 to a local charity and the monsters will tee off and bash us in every way possible. Ugh.

  3. I wouldn’t expect to many lofty thinkers on TMZ’s website.

    Even the most innocuous subjects seem to turn a horrible dark corner in the comments. I’ve seen articles on HuffPo featuring barbecue recipes for summertime grilling go down a rabbit hole of despair in the comments section.

  4. Brenda Love says

    I like to read TMZ comments to get the opinions of the 14 to 21 year olds on any given subject. Man, it’s a real cesspool out there!

  5. Bill in WV says

    Is this Johnny Rivers’ mother?

  6. I’ve never really studied poetry, but I think that first example doesn’t have enough sylables to officially be a haiku.

  7. Jazzbone Swirly says

    I blame the Chinese

  8. You hit the anus the moment you entered TMZ’s website. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been startled awake by their wretched squallerin’ on TV. Those who idolize and celebrate the downfalls of celebrities must have the saddest of lives.

  9. Myocal paper makes people go through facebook to post comments now because when it was all anonymous, people got bat shit crazy mean.

  10. Where was she having surgery performed at if she needed to be rushed to the hospital? Shouldn’t she have been there already?

    • JR in Sammamish says

      She was at a surgery center. If you get in trouble, they get you to the real hospital.

  11. I’m amazed how fast the comments get racist on any article.
    And there is a difference between what she says and someone saying die jewelry bitch. I’m not gonna fix that autocorrect.

    The article can be about sugar cookies and somehow they’ll become racist.

  12. Can’t say I like her, but I sure don’t agree with those free range comments.
    What soured me on her? She can dish it out, but she can’t take it. Put a whole new light on her schtick.

  13. My eye will occasionally wander down to the comments area and the thing that always gets me is their volume. It’ll be some article on George Clooney’s suit or something and there’ll be 300+ comments! Seriously? Inexplicable.

  14. I quit reading comments ages ago. People are nuts and the internet encourages them to bark at the moon. What I find really strange are the people who will take any topic and blame it on Obama. Garden blight? Obama. Where does belly button lint come from? Obama. Low battery life on smart phones? Obama, because he hates America. Left-pawed homeless kittens? Fox reported it better, because they exposed the left-pawed homeless kitten conspiracy of the liberal left. Keep scrolling the comments in the Joan Rivers article – I’ll bet his name will eventually come up. Okay, enough of my ranting comment.

  15. I never really thought Joan Rivers was funny, but then I felt the same about Johnny Carson. Maybe my childhood martini intake was insufficient.

    And in case anyone is wondering, I’m sure Godwin’s Law applies here.

    • johnthebasket says

      Carson was one of the great straight men of the 2nd half of the 20th century. I don’t mean men who choose not to put penises in their mouths; I mean people who make other people funny.

      Why don’t you like him, Adolf?


  16. She actually does have a show. I can’t remember the name, but it consists of her, Ozzy Osborn’s daughter, and some guy bashing celebrities’ clothing choices. She’s occasionally funny and incredibly rude. I think it comes on E. Not my cup of tea, but I’ve stumbled across it a couple of times. If you want real viciousness, hit some mommy forums. You can admit to sending your kid to school with a peanut butter sandwich, and suddenly you’re accused of being a heartless serial killer.

    • Fashion Police. They nit-pick the clothing of celebrities. I used to watch it, but I always thought the stars looked pretty good on the red carpet.

  17. Rachael Smith says

    A comment section shows how sick, disturbed and angry people are…they have the freedom to express the most depraved “opinions” in total anonymity. Joan, who I love, along with other shock comedians put themselves out there to get a laugh, get people talking, shock, get attention, etc…These crustaceans wishing her death are probably in the cubicle next to us, your kid’s best friends dad, who knows. But I can say I really haven’t come across many real live people that speak this way, yet the internet’s anus is oozing with them! Makes you wonder, right?

  18. it also seems an article about anything can turn political so fast. Politics and religion make people absolutely insane.

    Comment sections show you how miserable people really are.

    Jeff, I feel like you are like me in that you struggle with the way things are these days. I often lament the crumbling of societys sense of community, and these days people isolate themselves so much that they have no connection to the community or even their next door neighbors.

    I just try to remember, learn to accept the things you cannot change. Avoid the news and comment sections.

    Ignorance truly is bliss.

    • JJaCatLady says

      Now, here is my theory, and it’s only a theory:

      There are people who either live alone or otherwise don’t have any friends. Therefore, they have no one close to them that they may bounce ideas off of. If ya got a friend or associate (or several, which is ideally best) whom you can talk with and express your ideas to, the friend can give feedback, as in, “I agree, and that makes sense”, or, “That’s crazy! Where did you get such a stupid idea?”. Without others to help us see reality, we live within our warped thoughts.

      Remember, this is only a theory.

  19. Where are all those crazy idiots ? Are they walking around us every day and we don’t see them? Have they taken human forms but they’re really some kind of sick aliens? Scary!

    • johnthebasket says

      Some of them are surfing through your store parking lot on their skateboards. I think we underestimate how many of these perverts and trolls are our male children. I think women underappreciate just how crazy boys get between 13 and 18. Testosterone is EXACTLY the kind of drug you wouldn’t let your son take, but he’s getting it for free from his endocrine system. Back in the day, when we had to reproduce quickly at 14 before we became food or died from little bugs, testosterone was essential for our collective survival. Now it threatens it, at least on a social level.


  20. It’s always amazing to me how many people think the world wants to hear their pathetic, racist, politically oriented (and we all know how high-brow that subject is) opinion on something so meaningless. When a life is involved, we should all shut the fuck up and let fate take its course, because we all are gonna be in that same position sooner than we would like.

  21. I dish it out abuse every day, to my co-workers. They dish it back. We ALL know that it is good-natured comedy, and we ALL view it as fuel for tomorrow. If a third party views it as offensive, instead of comedy, it is THEIR problem.

    I just hope that her voice is permanently gone…and that SOMEONE lifted and Augmented her boobs,…relube that vagina, too. Thanks, in advance.

    Oh, and the difference between comedian and comedienne, is PENIS. Us Buckeyes know this…maybe the mountaineers are doing their little brothers?

  22. It’s awful and it’s really getting trying to read nasty posts about any news story.
    I liked Joan Rivers years ago when she did her stand-up gigs.
    Like her or not, I can’t imagine people saying that she should die, or mention her Jewish faith, etc… just crazy and uncalled for.
    I guess once you’re famous, everyone has a comment about you, as though they actually know you.
    Also, being behind a screen certainly makes people revert back to 7th grade sometimes.