Grouchy Flights and Delayed Barbers, or Something

Airplane-Taking-OffI took today off, to pick up the boys at the Philadelphia airport. Their week in paradise is winding down, and they were supposed to be back in the land of harsh reality at 5:30 today. However… before I’d even gotten out of bed, their flight was delayed by almost six hours.

So, now I’m not even going to leave the house until about 8 pm. And hopefully the whole thing won’t be canceled. That’s what I think is going to happen, but we’ll see how it goes. My folks are supposed to call, once the kids are on the plane.

Another fun fact: it’s snowy and somewhat icy out there. Yes, it’s all coming together… If the flight leaves when it’s currently scheduled, and my car doesn’t go cart-wheeling into a ravine, we’ll probably be home about 2 am. Good stuff.

I keep refreshing the flight info page, and it hasn’t changed since 11 this morning. I’ve got my Ballpark Franks fingers crossed. Wish us luck.

Today I was thinking about getting a haircut, but didn’t want to pay $20 for a five minute clipper job. I decided I’d call around to some actual barber shops, and see how much each of them charge for a regular cut.

Yeah, I called two and both were so grouchy and disagreeable, I just gave up on it.

The first place was where I got a cut many years ago from some old bastard spewing racist comments the whole time. “These blacks, they’re taking over…” he informed me, while wielding a razor near my face. The dude had never seen me before in his life. It was insane. But that was more than a decade ago… I was willing to give it another shot.

And I don’t even know what happened. Some guy answered like he was at home: “Hello?” he shouted in an agitated tone. I asked if I’d called the barber shop, and he said yeah, like I was the biggest idiot he’d encountered in quite some time.

“How much do you charge for an adult cut?” I asked.

“I’m not telling you over the phone,” he answered.

Blinking in confusion, I said, “Well, I’ll go somewhere else, then.”

“That’s up to you,” he said, and the phone went dead in my ear. Hello? Hello??

I called another place, and he also answered like I’d reached him at home, during dinner.

“Are you open?” I said.

“I answered didn’t I?” he replied.

Wha’? Why all the hostility? Jesus J. McChrist. I asked him for a price, and he wouldn’t tell me, either. He wasn’t as assholish about it as the first guy, but it was close. He signed off by saying, “OK, kid.” Weird.

I simply don’t understand. Are haircut prices closely-guarded secrets that I should know better than to expect by phone? Was I breaking some well-known protocol? What the crap is going on here? And why so grouchy? Sheesh.

I guess I’ll just go plunk down another twenny dollar bill, so some cig-ravaged divorcee can drag clippers across my noggin for five minutes. It feels like too much, but whatever.

This is the time of night when I should be getting snuggled up in front of one of the hundreds of Gordon Ramsay shows, but I’m leaving for Philadelphia instead. The flight was just pushed back another 41 minutes. Grrr… I don’t think it’s actually going to leave tonight, but I have to go anyway.

I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a great day.

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  1. WV.Hillbilly says

    Just buy a set of clippers and drag them across your noggin yourself. $16.99 from Amazon. Haven’t paid for a haircut in 20 years

    • I’m with you. I snap on a 3 and just run it all over the head so everything is the same length and let the wife straighten the back edge. No way I’m paying $20. I’m 54 and stuck in this job until retirement and married to the same woman for 28 years so not out chasing pussy. I have no one to impress with a third party cut.

  2. Since I went bald…. I just use my fancy razors on my own head. I have to use dome-polish and I even buff it out with a power drill!!!!

    I think the whole “hostility” thing is becoming the norm, since EVERYone is doing it now everyone feels entitled to be a cock-bag.

  3. 12 bucks at a place half mile down the hill (joe’s) i can pick up the kid from school and we can both get a cut on the way home. It’s 12 bucks I think. I tip 2. It’s similar for him so we don’t take him much. But 12 bucks is about my limit. They are fairly surly but nice.
    This place gils barbershop in Norwood or pleasant ridge Ohio was fantastic. Like floyds. I miss it.

  4. “Ballpark frank” fingers crossed” made me spew a goddamn apple across the room. Gold! Gold I tell you.

  5. $20 seems a lot for a mans haircut. Beloved pays $12. And I pay $45 but I just got blonde highlights – that shit where the wrap your head in three feet of Reynolds wrap – that pushed my last ‘doo to $150 before tip.

  6. I can’t believe I would recommend this to anyone, but you can get a serviceable adult haircut for $10 at SmartStyle inside many WalMarts. (I think the regular price is $15.50 but you can get the discounted price if you buy a gift card.)

  7. bikerchick says

    Twenny bucks? I think my hubs pays $10. But then again he has come home with sideburns uneven and the back of his hair looking like a baby bird. The barber is 110 years old and looks like he fell of a display rack. For 20 bucks, I hope you have a pair of breasts pressed against your face at least. Last time I got my hair did, it was only $80. Cut and color. When I get hilights, she tacks on another $20. Plus a 20% tip….yikes! I wish i could do my own color. But blondes have to be careful about color out of a box. My luck, I would end up with pumpkin orange hair. And not the pretty pumpkin orange.

  8. We just got home. It was a long-ass night; it felt like we were in the car for 24 hours. And, somehow, I got on the turnpike without grabbing a ticket. The dude at the other end was cool about it, but said they’re supposed to charge dipshits like me $45.90. I stressed about it the whole way, but lucked out and got one of the cool ones. It was also snowy and sloppy, and road salt kept covering my windshield. I’m drinking a beer to relieve the tension headache.

    • Clear that stress headache by calling up another barber and lay into them if they don’t want to give you a price. ‘You fucking expect me to walk in the door and ask? I’m looking for a cut, not a styling…”
      Go in with that attitude, the next place you call will probably be all friendly and answer you properly and leave you with a bit of built up artificial anger to release elsewhere.

    • Glad y’all made it home safely. I’m surprised you didn’t initiate bourbon season!

  9. My cig ravaged, Busch Light swilling barber babe charges me $5 for #1 on the sides and #2 across the top, she even trims my ears and eyebrows to keep me from looking like Andy Rooney. I tip her $5 just because I can’t believe it’s so cheap.

    Glad to hear you made it home okay, trying to keep the windshield clean can be worse than driving on slick roads.

  10. Jeff, I’m glad you made it back OK. And I’m sure the boys were relieved to be back in Snow Country; there’s only so much sunshine a body can take! And finally, excellent choice of fingers – Ballparks are about the best!

    I haven’t had a haircut since maybe 1995, so I have no idea what the protocols are nowadays.

  11. I go to a barber shop in Pine Beach, right on Route 9. The price for a haircut is now around $14.00. There are three barbers. Tony has been my regular barber for years but he sold his shop and now works here. Mark and The Tattoo Guy (I can’t recall his name at the moment) are much younger barbers. All three treat me well, I just wish I had more hair for them to cut.

  12. I got poison sumac on my dick.

  13. Are we sure Jeff made it back?

  14. Hasn’t anyone heard of Great Clips? Or is that a regional thing here in the upper new south? $13 and usually get a $8.99 coupon in one of those weekly coupon things they mail you for no reason. And they randomly do $5.99 super specials. Sure the barbers can be a bit weird but all are competent and if you don’t like the cut come back in a couple days and they fix it free. But really guys it’s just hair. It grows back.

    • Upper new south? Please enlighten.

    • We have a chain called “Super Cuts” a friend of mine used to get her hair cut there. She was always happy and the price was really decent.

      Yes, what is the New Souf?

  15. Swami Bologna says

    Did Jeff finally croak?

  16. Flare gun fires ….where are my box scores?…..

  17. Bill in WV says

    Jeff asked me to let you guys know that he is ok, he’s just been detained in a Turkish prison for the last 8 days, doing nothing but walking in circles. Good news is he’s lost 35 lbs. That is all.

  18. Bill Speer says

    Over a week with nothing new. WTF?

  19. johnthebasket says

    My understanding is that Jeff is participating in the Traveling Wilburys reunion session which, with any luck, will produce Traveling Wilburys Vol. 2.

    Jeff is standing in for George Harrison. Nobody can replace Roy Orbison.


  20. more and more I get the impression Jeff keeps all this going because he doesnt want to let us down. but it seems apparent his heart isnt in it anymore

    • That explains why I haven’t sent Christmas cards for over 5 years. Honestly my heart isn’t in it anymore. I bet 16 yr old Jeff never thought he would have a pack like us waiting for him to show up.

    • Bill in WV says

      Nope. Stresses of life get to you when you have one kid in college, another who will likely be going to college. Your priorities tend to shift toward paying for stuff like that and not trying to please this bunch of jagoffs. Whatever we get from Jeff is just gravy for the taters.

  21. Uh what’s going on with this site? Jeff is slacking man!

  22. Jeff is on the run. The turnpike guy he thought was cool pocketed the six bucks.

    Now, the state police are tracking him for the entire fare, plus late fee and a fine, plus they towed his Camry.