Bitching Up A Storm Is Good For The Soul!

complainingI feel like I’ve gone a few rounds with Joe Frazier. There’s been far too much physical labor happening for my tastes. Believe me, I’m designed to be a paper-pusher.

Last night we were so short-handed at work I had to get into the trenches myself, which doesn’t happen often. It sucked. Tonight will be even worse. Oh, I could insert a roll of butcher’s paper into a manual typewriter, Kerouac-style, and crank out 20,000 words — single space, one paragraph — about my job. But Big Brother is watching.

Tonight’s going to be even worse. At least I’m going into it with my sensors set to SUCK. It’s harder when the SUCK sneaks up on you.

Yes, it’s quite a life I’ve carved out for myself…

I’ve also been working in the yard, trying to bring everything up to code. It looks a lot better, but I’m not completely finished. Tomorrow I’ll be out there again, attempting to get the last bit done… before my parents arrive.

They’re due to get here around 3 or 4 in the afternoon, and are staying until Tuesday morning. Our oldest son is graduating high school on Monday, and my folks are going to attend the ceremony. I’ll be glad to see them, but… my docket is full. There’s never enough time for additional activities, or preparations for said activities.

At this point I just endure stuff, and think things like “by this time on Tuesday… it’ll all be over.” Awesome.

It’s really humid, too. It’s not super-hot, but muggy as a mofo. I’m sitting here in my windowless bunker, typing with a face so shiny even James Brown would be appalled. “Hit that shit with a wet cloth, goddamn!” I believe the Godfather of Soul would advise.

High humidity makes things smell differently, too. Ya know? All that moisture unlocks hidden funks, and causes the whole world to smell a bit musty. Summer is bullshit. It’s number 4 on the Jeff Ranks the Seasons! chart. Summer can suck it.

And since I’m on a complaining roll… Our kids are out of school now, and already driving me insane. I love them, but they need to leave me alone for the first two hours of the day. Is that wrong? I require a window of time to eeeeease into the day. I’m not a morning a person; I don’t leap out of bed ready for action, like some psycho freak.

But they start peppering me with demands, before I’ve even had a chance to offload urine. “Can you take me to my dipshit friend’s house?” “Can I have ten dollars to buy burritos and sodas, and possibly weed?” “Can I bring my girlfriend over here, right this minute, to take over the entire bottom floor of the house, where your office is ‘n’ shit, and turn the volume up on the TV so high it can be heard inside passing aircraft?”

None of this stuff would bother me, if it happened outside the two-hour buffer zone. But when you’re crop-dusting your way down the hall, still half-asleep… Not a fan.

Of course, I’ll likely be sobbing like Nostrils in a rainstorm when the older boy moves away for college in a few months. It’s the circle of life, or something.

What’s bugging you, these days? Tell us all about it, in the comments section. Think of it as your virtual bartender, or counselor, or long-suffering friend. Get everything off your chest, it’s good for the soul.

And I better call it a week, my friends. One more night of undiluted hell at work, and I’m off for three days. Not three days of relaxation, unfortunately, but better than nothing.

Please LIKE our new Facebook page, if you haven’t. And if you’re subscribed to the mailing list at two email addresses, feel free to dump one of them. I think the list is lean and mean right now, so let’s keep it going. Of course, if you want multiple emails for some reason, that’s cool too. And if you feel like contributing some weekend beer to the cause, nobody’s stopping you.

Thank you guys!

I’ll see you on Monday.

Now playing in the bunker
Treat yourself to something cool at Amazon!


  1. Jazzbone Swirly says

    For some reason I’m pissed off at Celine Dion.

  2. Jazzbone Swirly says

    …and Delta airlines.

  3. The Qweezy Mark says

    LOL for the entire read!

  4. Jeff-
    Isn’t it about time to deploy the Soviet era window air-conditioners?

  5. I’m pissed at walnuts and coffee mugs myself.

  6. madz1962 says

    My language today would make a truck driver blush. I woke up with things bugging me so my vocabulary has been peppered with plenty of “fuck this’s and fuck that’s”. Not pretty but it does let off steam.

    The icing on the cake was I just had to lie through my teeth whilst canceling 21 hotel rooms for next week due to dumb assery and douche baggetry. I had to beg the sales woman last week for 6 additional rooms only to call her 5 days before the event and pull out of the whole shebang. (Jesus that sounds dirty! Like Harlequin Romance dirty – “he pulled out of the whole shebang like a drunk waking up next to a transvestite”).

    Glad your seeing the parents, Jeff. I owe my mom a visit.

    And the James Brown shiny face had me in stitches. Did they ever plant him yet?

  7. Steve in WV says

    I’m sick of hearing about the World Cup. Who gives a turd about soccer?

    • Ball kickers all over the world. They piss me off too.

    • The Divine Miss E says

      Me, but I might be the only one.

    • I’ve noticed a concerted effort over the years to push soccer on to the American people, like the powers that be won’t be satisfied until we are slavering for “futball” like all the Socialists in Europe and the Commies in South America. This is the US, dammit, we like the sort of FOOTBALL that is played with hands (and occasionally feet). The Soccer Pushers of the world act like it’s morally superior to real football, and we are all backwards rednecks because we don’t embrace it. I’d rather watch paint dry.

  8. “… And possibly weed…”. Made me fall off my chair….

  9. Brenda Love says

    God what I wouldn’t give to be able to follow that oldest translucent through the first semester of college …..

    • Bill in WV says

      I don’t think the translucents are college age yet, but Jeff’s oldest son is. The oldest translucent will probably end up at the local trade school learnin’ meat cuttin’.

  10. I’m pissed about tape. Why the hell is there so much tape?

  11. I hate it when I get pulled out of the job I was hired for and sent to another spot. In April, 50% of my time was spent working in an area where I wasn’t hired.

    I don’t mind pitching in every now and then, but when it’s that often I get pretty cranky. Worse is that those pulls are usually more physically demanding than my regular job and I end up limping up the driveway when I get home.

    But my biggest problem is stupidity. I’m not talking about your basic can’t understand how the drive through works kind of stupid. No. I mean stupidity that is life threatening.

    It’s astonishing how dumb the people I deal with are. Like the diabetic this morning whose blood sugar was 3.5 times over the normal high (creeping up into the life threatening range). He skipped his insulin because he “didn’t eat. Just had a cup of coffee”. He said he couldn’t understand why his sugar was up. The two spoonfuls of sugar in the coffee couldn’t be a problem, could they?

    How many times do you have to tell someone to take their blood pressure pills in order to prevent a stroke? The answer is apparently every day.

    How about “Don’t use street drugs while you’re in the hospital”? Conversations like this are commonplace.

    Now to a certain extent I’m able to let that go. If you choose to end your life by not taking care of yourself, well, that’s up to you. It’s annoying that you still expect me to care when you don’t, but I can usually deal with that. But how about when you make choices that endanger me?

    One of the areas where I work has more oxygen under pressure than anywhere else in the building. One spark in the wrong place and the smoking hole where I was killed will make the national news. Yet I very often find some moron smoking literally (used correctly here, I don’t mean figuratively, I literally mean literally) within arms length of a No Smoking sign that’s more than 4 feet square! They are nearly committing attempted murder and when I’ve point the sign out to some of these asshats they just look me up and down and take another drag. I have to have armed security tell them to put it out. F#*&K!

    And that’s why I’ll probably end up having a stress related heart attack or being shot by someone here at work, as we discussed in the public spaces here a week or two ago.

    Happy Fathers Day to all the Dads out there.

    • OMG, don’t even get me started on being pulled to other units. I started at my last hospital in the NICU. It didn’t go well, and it was decided that it was mutually beneficial for me to transfer to L&D. I was happier in L&D (my primary are of expertise), and I assumed they were happier without me. Wrong. I got pulled to NICU all the damn time, and it got really really old. So old, that a couple of times I refused and went home sick. They threatened to file a complaint with the Board for abandonment. I hold that if I’ve never received report, or clocked in, I’m not abandoning anyone. If I totally suck and you didn’t want me in your unit, then don’t pull me from my unit because you can’t staff appropriately. And once there, I was usually dumped on like the bottom layer of a landfill. The babies that refused to eat, the ones with the really difficult moms, etc. And one fine day, I ran all shift (3 babies that were exclusively tube-fed, so I had to stand and push 1 cc per minute for a 20-30cc feed for 3 babies every 3 hours) while one of their staff nurses sat and read the paper. She was acting as unit secretary that day. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I went to the DNO and told them the next time that was the case that I had better be the one acting as unit secretary. I ended up getting one of my doctors to write a note saying I couldn’t be in the vicinity of bili lights due to neurological issues (not a lie). The unit was a huge open room, and half the babies were jaundiced, so I was no help to them anymore.

      I loved the babies, but I didn’t enjoy being treated like crap. If I’m not good enough to be a staff nurse, then I’m not good enough to help you when you are in a tight. And it’s never cool to ask someone from another unit to come in and work like a dog while you have a day of leisure. Whew, sorry for the rant, but that definitely touched a nerve. Now I’m out of the hospital, I have caseload that is mine and mine alone, and if we miss a day we just reschedule the clients for later.

      As for the smoking and oxygen, at my very first job out of school, we were all taken to a particular med/surg room during orientation. There were scorch marks all over the floor in an explosive pattern, the result of someone lighting up while wearing a nasal cannula. They left the floor that way as an object lesson. People are, in general, idiots, and modern medicine short circuits evolution. Survival of the fittest can’t happen if we’re saving their asses all the time.

  12. AT&T is at the top of my list. They cut off my cell phone and home phone the first of May. Why? Just because, I suppose. First they said I told them to. NO! Then, they said I did not pay my bill? Oh, then why did they pull $208 out of my bank account where I did pay my bill. So, they gave me a sim card for 30 days so they could figure it out. Then, on June 1, I was informed both are back on. NO, as of June 13, they are just charging me with no service. I am surprised there are not people going ATT and blasting them off telephone poles. Don’t bother telling me what you would do. I am in no mood.

    Then, there is the guy I had mow my yard one time. He does not pick up limbs. I cannot. He obviously does not mow closer than 3 feet to the fence or house. He has dropped by 3 times to mow after horrendous rains. The last time he asked me to advance him the pay because he has no gas in his truck. And, how is that my fault. I gave him $10 and he said he would be here at 2:30 today. Nope, not here. I will never see that $10. If he comes, I will have him mow $10 worth and have him stop. There are limbs 7 inches in diameter in the front yard. So, he will never come here again. The worst part is his father shares figs with me. When I called the father, all of a sudden he won’t have figs this year. Oh, the mower/son is 53-years-old. Really, this is all my fault for letting a former alcoholic/druggy/jailbird in my yard. Actually, it will be worth $10 to get rid of him.

  13. There are two semi-stray cats that hang around in the building where I work, and one of them thinks it’s funny to piss in the elevator. I offered the security guard $50 bucks to shoot or taser him. He said he’d do it for free if he could catch him, but the little bastard has been successfully evading him for about three years.

  14. I too have a son graduating from high school this weekend. And he’s about three dirty bowls and a sneer away from living in a cardboard box if he doesn’t get basic household decency figured out. I swear he’s trying to piss off Missus O and me as part of preparing to leave the nest.

    Happy Father’s Day, indeed.

    • Two teen fellows live here at the Tiny House – I dare not look too long or too hard at the condition of their room for fear of fainting. Even after years and years of attempting to teach them basic household decency, it all stops at their door!

  15. squawvalleyskip says

    I had a granddaughter graduate from high school a week ago today. She’s off to college in August. Between now and then I promised to get her some stuff for her dorm room, like a mini frost-free fridge and some other expensive shit. But that doesn’t piss me off. What really gets me pissed these days is the fact that my workplace promotes managers by the affirmative action, politically correct playbook and not by qualification or ability. Consequently I suffer fools like a maintenance manager who knows absolutely nothing about maintenance. Her main qualification for her position is that she is a minority woman with a limp. A double threat for EEO action, so incompetent as she is, she’s allowed to play the “I’m a woman in charge, and you will do what I say” card with alarming regularity. Or the Indian immigrant who forgets we don’t have a caste system here, and who thinks he is higher caste than us lowly workers (even when he was one of us, pre-EEO promotion to management). Incompetence pisses me off, and I deal with enough incompetent mechanics and techs, why the fuck does upper management saddle us with these morons? My first boss here once told me “No one here wants to promote anyone smarter than themselves, and now those chickens are coming home to roost”. How true. The average IQ of middle management seems to be right around room temperature on a cool day.

    • My lunch buddies at work and I once talked about the ideal diversity candidate. We came up with a black lesbian torso-less head. No offense intended.

  16. Not too much off-pissing this week. Although at work, we’re in the middle of a large project with a tight deadline. When I point out that the system design is not going to work the way the client wants, everyone just shrugs and says “meh”. Probably because I, not they, will be the one on site at the last minute with the client breathing down my neck. I came up with a solution because it’s in my interest to do so, not because it’s my job to.

  17. All I want to do is have a little fun. Is that too much to ask?

  18. Lori in Cbus says

    This whole world needs an enema! but in better news, I hit a minor jackpot last night with my measly $20 bill.. won $347.. .. will make my vacation sweeter in two weeks.. a nice “hit and run”.. and i did run right out of there..only costs me $1.50 for that spin haha

  19. Ruthless Dee says

    The Honey Boo Boo family that moved into the cul de sac and took it over as a screaming kids play ground, complete with a Kids at Play sign. To complete the total change in the neighborhood, a free range rooster has been added for a 5:30 wake up call. I am armed and approaching dangerous.

  20. I’m pissed that I got “fired” from my job yesterday!! Put fired in quotes as monday was going to be my last day. Manager decided that I lied to her about where I was going to work…not that it’s her business. Apparently I’m NOT moving cross country in a few days, I’m staying local and working for a competitor. Then she decided to send an e-mail to the whole office (which I couldn’t give a ring shaped turdlet about) and to the largest parts distributor in the country (because she’s vindictively trying to burn me) calling me a liar!!! So now, in between packing the rest of my house up, I have to try and meet with a lawyer on Monday. I’m not a litigious man but this seems like a situation that I have to take action against.
    Whew!!! That’s a wall of text!

  21. Vegans who think shredded zucchini = pasta. IT’S NOT.

    • Knucklehead says

      Jesus tap-dancing Christ on a cracker – when I read this it made my blood boil. I have repeat guests coming this September that I cooked for last year. FOR TWO WEEKS they want meat-free, gluten-free, sugar-free, dairy-free food. Check your boarding passes, dumbasses – this is Italy. We’re famous for our gluten, meat and cheese laden dishes. I need a drink.

      • I don’t have much patience with people who have self-imposed dietary restrictions. If you have an allergy that’s one thing, but to just decide you’re not going to eat X, Y and Z is another. It’s your choice what you’re going to eat, but that doesn’t create an obligation on your friends to accommodate your desires. Nor does it give you the right to try to bully them into cooking to your whims.

        Sunday Gravy – it’s what’s for dinner.

        • madz1962 says

          Food is one of the few legal pleasures left in life. Don’t fuck with my meat, cheese and sugar intake

        • So true! I read an article the other day about how this new gluten-free craze is making life very difficult and dangerous for those with celiac disease. The person writing the article had just been very ill because of accidental exposure, and she opined that restaurant workers aren’t taking it seriously anymore because so many people claim to be gluten free when they don’t even know what gluten is. I have a child with a food allergy, it’s no fun, and it’s deadly serious. It irritates me when people latch on to the newest fad without even knowing what they are talking about.

      • Ozzie Bucco says

        I have a periodic visitor who is a vegan, lactose-intolerant, gluten-free germophobe.

        Fuck my life.

  22. Dr, Buford says

    I am one Ohio-tagged left-lane squatter away from the asylum. I’ve driven 6000 miles in the last three months (younger bro and his gal bought a house AND got married (two events) and another old friend got married, all in Charlotte, which is not getting any closer to Philly), and at least a half-dozen times traffic was snarled for miles only to find at the very front, some ass-hat parked in the left lane completely oblivious to the tractor-trailer beside of him/her AND the angry-as-fuck gigantic white suburban with high beams flashing, horn-a-blarin, and an extremely frustrated man chewing his way through his steering wheel behind him.

    I’m getting a police push bumper and air horns for Father’s day, I think.

    Also, some nimrod chatting on his phone, all high-and mighty in his Audi, cut across 5 lanes and a rumble strip to try to make his turn, nearly sideswiping the good wife, me, and the kids in the process (good wife was driving because Father’s day = daddy doesn’t have to drive weekend :)). The incessant honking kept him from hitting us, but he continued chatting and swerving…grrr…

    And now for your moment of zen:

    • Ozzie Bucco says

      My brother-in-law is a 55 in the left lane kinda guy. He’s anal-retentive to the point of autistic.

  23. The Divine Miss E says

    I’ve entered the “fuck it” stage at my job recently. We can’t do the same amount of work as usual with less people, plus they sidled us with a trainee that would try Ghandi’s patience, so fuck it! The only solution to this is more beer.

  24. ….and as far as that 87% number – 87% of statistics are made up on the spot!

  25. If I hear that “Happy” song one more time I’m gonna snap.

    • Lew in Bama says

      That song, and the one from that stupid Frozen movie, are like fingernails on a chalkboard to me.
      I’d rather poke myself in the ear with a red-hot fireplace iron than hear either of those songs one more effin time.

  26. Lucie in Tampa says

    I hate walking in the door after a 10-12 hr day & people wanting something from me before i can even drop my stuff… I also hate being bothered before noon on a Sunday…

  27. Along the lines of, “summer can suck it,” I hate the beach. I hate sand everywhere (I run my fingers through my hair and it is ON MY SCALP), baking heat, sunburn, sweating, and squinting. I don’t tan and I can’t swim. There is nothing to actually do there, other than watch the ocean, which is nice for about ten minutes. I think the only thing that could possibly be worse than the beach is listening to everyone say they need to go to the beach. The ever popular topic for the summertime Facebook status, “man oh man, I wish I was at the beach.” Annoying. There is also the photo that people take of their feet in the sand, as if they are the only ones who have conceived of that idea. I do, however, acknowledge that I am the minority so I have resigned myself to seeing/hearing about the beach for all of my days. In fact, Murphy’s Law dictates that I should hear about it more often because I hate it so. Thanks for the vent, I don’t have the opportunity to complain about this very much so I am using you fine folks here.

    Summer is definitely 4 out of 4.

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