no dockersAccording to society’s timeline I should now be wearing Dockers every day, standing around chatting with my buddies about golf and “the market,” and listening exclusively to superfamiliar music released prior to 1985. But something is askew; my timeline looks like a Silly Straw.

The good news? I’m not alone. For more than 13 years I maintained a humor website called The West Virginia Surf Report, and a community of like-minded folks formed around it. We had a great deal of fun, while the stick-up-the-ass crowd rolled their eyes and continued talking about their bathroom renovations.

I needed a reboot, and launched this website in mid-2014. Thankfully, the community moved with me. But there’s always room for one more, and I hope you’ll hang around and join us. We have a good time here, and it has little to do with “cute” stories about our kids, or humble-brags about our careers.

About me

My name is Jeff Kay, and I grew up in Dunbar, West Virginia — a small town near Charleston. I left there when I was 22, and moved around a bit. I’ve lived in Greensboro, North Carolina, Atlanta, Georgia, and the Los Angeles area. In 2000 we settled near Scranton, Pennsylvania for a job opportunity, and have been here ever since. Even though the gig that lured me is now long-gone… The bastards.

My wife’s name is Toney. We’ve been married since 1993 and have two teenage boys and a fantastic border collie, named Andy. I work a regular full-time job, and this writing hobby keeps me sane(ish).

The novel

CRRcvr300 (1)In 2011 I published an over-the-top humor novel called Crossroads Road. I worked hard on it, and am happy with the results. It’s about a middle-aged guy, approximately my height and weight, whose mother-in-law wins an enormous lottery jackpot, and makes all her kids and their spouses an identical offer. It’s a classic deal-with-the-devil tale.

The book is available in paperback, or for Kindle. You’re probably not going to learn a lot of profound life lessons from it, but I’m confident you’ll have a good time. Please check it out, if you’re so inclined.

The mailing list

Every Friday I publish a “secret” update, in the old West Virginia Surf Report style. It doesn’t appear on the homepage of the website, and casual readers never even know about it. But membership has its privileges, and subscribers to the mailing list receive a weekly email containing a link to the latest hidden update.

Want in? Great! Just sign-up in the sidebar, under the heading Take It to the Next Level! And let me know what you think.

Social media

follow meI’m active on Twitter and Facebook, and to a lesser extent Google+. Please follow me. I spend a lot of time online — panning for gold in an open sewer. And I like to share the little nuggets I find along the way. It never ends, my friends. The internet is the gift that keeps on giving.


Send me an email, and I’ll do my best to reply within 24 hours: jeff (at) maturityisforsuckers (dot) com

Or if you prefer the methods of our predecessors, this is my physical mailing address:

P.O. Box 313
Chinchilla, PA  18410

Thanks for stopping by!