How Could A Small Three-Hour Adjustment Throw My Whole Life Into Disarray?

orbA couple of weeks ago, at work, I was summoned to a “go ahead and close the door behind you, Jeff” meeting. Those always make me nervous, of course. ‘Cause they’re never about some stoopid fire they want me to put out, it’s always serious business. “Close the door” is generally followed by something that has the power to make or break your day.

This one was painless, thankfully. I was asked if I’d be interested in a “development opportunity,” whereby I’d basically be given a temporary promotion, and see how it goes. They do that kind of thing where I work… They said I could think about it for a couple of days, but I told them it wasn’t necessary. Sign me up.

And they did, literally. I had to sign an agreement, which was weird. It spelled out my added responsibilities, etc. I’ve been doing most them, unofficially, for years. So, that part’s not a huge concern.

However… I have a new start time. For the past seven years I’ve worked 3 pm to 1:30 am, four or five days per week. And now I start at noon, and work Monday through Friday. “Cool!” I thought. That’ll be better.

But, so far, it’s been surprisingly difficult. I’m all jacked-up, and can’t sleep. Most of last week I felt like I was under the influence of the Orb of Confusion, like Spongebob and Patrick above. Even today, after a full weekend, I’m one tired sumbitch. And yesterday I was a lazy sack, wallowing around on couches, unable to get anything going. I watched more TV on Sunday than I had during the previous month.

How could a minor three-hour adjustment to my schedule screw me up like this? Am I turning into Nostrils at this late date? I was always the first to mock shit like this. You know, jet lag and that sort of thing? Or the world-class pusslings who are knocked for a loop because of Daylight Savings Time… Ha!

Yet, here I am, supremely messed up. How long before I adjust? This blows. Everything’s off-track, including the site updates. Thursday’s was posted on Friday, and Friday’s didn’t happen at all. I’d been proud of my consistency, and now this. I apologize. But I’m going to attempt to correct things this week.

Speaking of updates, this one took off a bit, and is already far and away the most popular thing I’ve posted at the new site. You know, an update that doesn’t feature ANY of my writing? In any case, it was receiving about 10,000 pageviews per day, for several days. It felt like old times for a while.

And Friday’s turned out to be one of my favorites, for some reason. It started as an honest list of movie genres I tend to avoid, and quickly turned into something purposely provocative, like the stuff Metten and I used to post at Mockable. It’s still honest, mind you, just taken up a notch, and designed to annoy.

And speaking of old times, our old friend Buck sent me this link today, and it’s right up our alley. Don’t miss it.

I need to go now. The Devil’s Parkway beckons.

Have yourselves a great day!

Are you using Dropbox? Why not?! It’s both awesome and free.


  1. Sometimes I have to work until 9 p.m. That always messes me up. I am an early morning person.

  2. Ron from PA says

    Buck just brought me back to the good ‘ol days. Chuckling in my office like a teenager looking at a Hustler for the first time. Awesome.
    Shift changes are a bitch, plain and simple. As soon as you get used to it your “temp” assignment will be over and you’ll adjusting all over again. Ick!!!!

  3. A 3 hour change would definitely kick my ass. On the plus side, it must be nice to get home earlier. In the summer that will really be a plus.

    That Kohls story is horrifying. Hilarious and horrifying.

    Reminds me of the other day when I walked into the bathroom at work. The toilet looked like it was covered in chocolate cake batter. I wanted to pin up a sign asking “WHO THE FUCK DID THIS?” as I turned on my heel and stomped to the other side of the building. And the toilets automatically flush so it must have been like a geyser coming out. Jeez, I just gave myself the dry heaves.

  4. The Divine Miss E says

    I just got off of a three day stint working third shift, starting at 10 pm. I had a one day buffer, and today I have to be in at 4. I just woke up for the day, and got about three hours’ sleep. Today is going to be a good day.

    The last time I came off of thirds, it took me about two weeks to feel normal again. Shift changes knock you on your ass. I’m looking forward to the days where I’ll have to work until 11 pm and come back at 7 am.

  5. Brenda Love says

    “Are you using Dropbox? Why not?! It’s both awesome and free.”

    Always the last sentence of Jeff’s updates, is this freaking anyone else out? The first time I saw it, I was like “The Real Jeff would never use “awesome” or “free” in the same sentence!”

    • johnthebasket says

      Brenda . . .

      Any chance you’re using a slightly out-of-date browser like Erwise or Mosaic? They might not correctly interpret Jeff’s intention to place that paragraph in italics.

      In any case, vigilance is appropriate, because Jeff could sell out without warning like the Rolling Stones did with Rice Krispies or Metallica every fucking chance they get.


  6. And next week is daylight savings time!!

  7. Jazzbone Swirly says

    Maybe you could try doing some yoga, or consider using intravenous drugs.

  8. I’ve been working 1030 to 7 am since august. I get pretty wiped out but we don’t have to pay for child care. I take a nap with my daughter every day from 10 to about 2 and I sleep from 8 to 9 then drive the 45 minutes to work. I’m still adjusting but most of that is to the fact I hate my job.

  9. Two to three weeks and you’ll get used to your new time. When I worked shifts, that was the timeline to just getting into the swing of it, and then it would be time to change shifts and you’d repeat the cycle….

    As for the Kohl’s story… as with all shit stories, I wish dejanews was still around, becuase I swear that is another recycle of an alt.tastless story from the early days of newsgroups.

  10. It will be exactly like jet lag, like you flew from LA to the east coast. When I was traveling a lot, I always found that adjustment harder than flying west, i.e. shifting to a later time. As I recall it took a few days or a week to get used to the time change, but I was younger then.

    I’ve never set foot in a Kohl’s, and at this point I might keep it that way.

  11. I imagine that Jeff works in the Raiders of the Lost Ark warehouse.

  12. johnthebasket says

    It’s just a spooky feeling I get, like viewing an old Twilight Zone or watching the Republican House trying to remember how to pass legislation, but I fear that when we moved from Surf to Maturity, someone went back and shot the stragglers.

    I suspect we need some kind of side effect report or Fuck Count, but Jeff’s busy getting various parts of his anatomy kicked by migrating from a crappy shift to a shitty shift — an entirely understandable condition — while the Web filter sites are busy not pointing here.

    Seasonally, this site ain’t being haunted. I’m just saying. . .


  13. Hi Jeff,
    Some Fuckstick (I use that term lightly) stole a “wheel protector” off my car while parked at Phipps Plaza last night. I ordered a new one from through your Amazon link. I hope you get enough money to buy the wife a beer now that you don’t drink any longer. Seems like Makers Mark is on sale at Green’s on Buford Highway, Just sayin’

    Take Care Bro

    Jay in ATL

  14. I forgot to add that leaving Green’s in a hurry will remove the front air dam off your Bitchin’ Camaro. Don’t ask how I know why the physics works, it just does.