A Few Quick Things, vol. 274

upsetAs I type this I’m drinking a so-called smoothie. Wow, that word bothers me. It’s stupid, like blog and selfie. But we’re already getting off track here… I’m drinking the first of two SMOOTHIES, which will serve as both my breakfast and lunch.

This one is reddish brown, and very┬átasty. It’s half spinach, one carrot, and a handful of frozen berries. I like the frozen stuff, because it makes the whole thing cold. The reason I’ll be having two, is because it makes enough to fill two large glasses.

There’s also some sort of mysterious powder I sprinkle in there, which is called Superfood and contains chia seeds. Is that the same stuff used in Chia Pets? Will green plants start growing in my lower intestines, and possibly sprouting from my ass? I’m not sure how I feel about it. It seems like I should be concerned, but I think I’m more intrigued than anything else. I just hope I don’t get grass stains in my new up-market underwear.

A couple of things about this smoothie regimen: I have to allow myself time to have a lightning-strike bowel movement, before leaving for work, and also… not be concerned about the rainbow of colors I’ll sometimes see afterward. Well, not the full rainbow… but some unusual hues, for sure.

So far, I’m fully invested in this Nutribullet┬ádeal. I use it daily, sometimes twice. I’m getting better and better at it, and it’s rarely nasty-ass, like during the first two days. One surprising thing: I don’t like pineapple in smoothies. I love it, generally, but it screws up a smoothie, for some reason. It’s too dominate, I think.

I’m frankly surprised, but this little experiment seems to be taking hold. I think I’m in it for the long-haul.

I’m getting ready to start writing a second novel. I have an adequately whacked-out premise, and am outlining and prepping for the actual writing part of the process. I’m trying to learn from the mistakes I made last time, and believe this one will go much smoother.

I’ve even given up beer for the duration. I haven’t had a drop o’ alcohol since August 8. Not that I’m keeping track, or anything. I’m planning to abstain at least until the book is completed.

And I’m thinking about starting a Facebook group, where I’ll write about the process, from beginning to end. I know this will only appeal to a small number of folks, and that’s fine. I’ll update on the progress there, the problems I’m encountering, the writing places that work for me, the books that have helped, etc. Stay tuned for that. I’ll try to have it up and running by next Friday.

Tomorrow we’re going to Family Day at our son’s university. I’m not sure what that means, or what we’ll be doing, but I’m looking forward to seeing him. He called me a few days ago, down in the dumps. He was feeling homesick, which is something that hasn’t been a big problem for him. Thankfully, I talked with him the next day, and he was fine again.

So, we’ll be doing a lot of driving tomorrow. And it’ll be one of those weekends that fly by. In what feels like a few hours from now, it’ll be Monday afternoon and I’ll be driving to work again, with a Kooks CD blasting and tears in my eyes.

Do you guys have anything exciting planned? Please share, in the comments. I need to live vicariously through you, if you don’t mind.

Have a great weekend, my friends.

I’ll see you again on Monday!


  1. with your huge fame and fanbase have you attracted a stalker yet? any really strange bent people snooping into your life and scaring the crap out of you? ( not applying for the gig)

  2. Hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but I’ve written nine novels, and it never gets easier. Just gotta grind out the pages, every day. But always a great feeling when you get to the end!

    • I certainly have no illusions about it being easy, Donna. What I’m going for is smoother… fewer self-created hurdles to get over. Last time I worked without an outline, for the most part, and that was a mistake. Also, there was a lack of confidence. But now that I’ve done it, I know I can do it, and that’s a weight lifted off my shoulders. I’m just hoping I can avoid some of the old problems, and not add too many new ones.

  3. I thought the updates were good this week. I was going to suggest Monday’s update being a regular feature. You know, taking news stories and given them the Jeff Kay analysis. I wouldn’t dismiss it after one try.

  4. Kaptain Kool and the Kongs cd

  5. Tomorrow I’m taking a teen girl and a pre-teen boy (my niece and nephew) to our local Renaissance Festival. Then the next day I need to decide whether to take them with me to my rock cover band’s photo shoot and subsequent band practice or leave them at home and keep my fingers crossed. Both are poor choices, I’m not gonna lie.

  6. it must be nice to just ‘not drink’. whenever you want.

  7. The last time you mentioned the smoothie machine, I looked it up on the internet so I’d know exactly what it was. This week, every few days, that giant buy and ship company sends me an email saying “we noticed you were looking at this……don’t you want to buy one? ”
    I’d like to hire that woman from the news update (the one who got out of her car) to tell Am*z*n where to stuff their “…….bullet.”

  8. I will enjoy reading about your literary project as I am consuming several barley pops or cool guys or golden elixirs or oat sodas…

  9. A friend of mine is acting in one of those Murder Mystery plays with a dinner thrown in. Sunday, we MAY drive to Rhode Island to look at a house. We just got back from a week up there and this was my first week back at work and I just don’t think I have the physical strength to do 4 plus hours in a car again.

  10. Oh, and I can’t stand the word “smoothie” either. But it’s working Jeff? You like it?

  11. Don’t worry Jeff, not sure if lack of comments means lack of readership. I read every update and sometimes either don’t have the time or strong enough thoughts either way on the topic, but I do read it. I am sure others do the same. I have a “honey do” free weekend!! Might go out house shopping, looking for a new place, or not. May just sit my ass on the couch and watch nothing shows all weekend. Have a great weekens everybody!!

  12. I agree with Steve up above. Kay-ify the news on Mondays. I liked the update and because this site is purely for my own personal entertainment I hope you do more of them.

  13. Weekend plans are to fly to Edinburgh, Scotland where I’ll drink whiskey and see a bit of golf. Hopefully if anybody is pissed about independence; the couch fires will be out by the time we get there.

  14. We’re doing the worst of the worst this weekend.. moving. Granted, we are literally moving one street over and 4 houses up, but it’s still freaking moving! Because it’s so close, I just could not justify movers. I’m regretting that decision now. Last time we sold our house, a crew came in, picked all our shit up and dropped it off ( in the proper room) at the new joint. This time, my husband, my kids and a few friends are helping us schlep all our crap into a giant truck parked in my driveway and then unloading it tomorrow. My 20 year old nephew and a couple of his wrestling buddies were supposed to help, but his work schedule changed. So, alas, it’s all old, tired people. There will much complaining about our backs, our feet and the heat. Excellent, indeed!

    • Oh man! Moving house S-U-X, sucks. And you’re right, it doesn’t matter how far: you still have to pack and unpack every last drop of your stuff. I hope it goes as well as it can.

  15. Tomorrow I’m giving a one-hour talk at a “symposium” at work. I’m not getting paid but will get CE credits. Hooray.

    Sunday I think will be spent watching my 8 year old daughter cheer at a football game where 8 year old boys will be learning about brain damage secondary to acute on chronic head trauma.

    And I’ll probably go to the grocery store and Costco.

  16. I think husband and I will be yanking our teenaged daughter out of the money siphoning mental hospital that she landed in on Wednesday. Fuckers won’t communicate with us and thats a bad sign. She not a danger, thank God, but her life is about to change drastically. It is not going to be pretty at our house this weekend.

  17. Mike Narmour says

    Going to a wine festival in the pine barrens of South Jersey tomorrow (Valenzanno Winery). Been going for about 10 years now, always a great time. It gets bigger and bigger each year. Used to be just their own wine and one or two bands that rotated on and off. Now there’s 5 bands, 6 wineries, an emcee comedian, all kinds of games and stuff for the kids, a huge-ass craft show and a more food vendors than a major league stadium. They even have a deal where you can book a room at a nearby hotel and they’ll shuttle you back and forth. Can’t wait.

  18. Was informed this week that we are on mandatory 7 days at work. Third shift in a factory blows. I’m tired all the time and I think the only reason I haven’t murdered anyone is everyone is at school or work when I’m home except for the 4 month old and she’s just too damned adorable.
    I do not have your work ethic jeff. Do. Not.
    I am planning on taking a class on solidworks starting this week so I can add that to my resume and get back to a sit on my ass engineering job.
    I have lost about 10 lbs though.

  19. This is going to be a party hearty weekend: gutter cleaning is on the agenda, as well as a visit to the pet supply store. Woo hoo.

  20. I’m tired and my head hurts, so my comments are a little disjointed:
    We took our 14yo boy to see The Maze Runner tonight. ok movie but I can’t sit in a theater anymore without thinking bugs are on me. I’m getting nuttier all the time.
    Walking out, a trio of young girls were whistling at our boy. Still sneering when I think of that.
    “lightning-strike bowel movement” – awesomeness with a capital A!
    I’m all giddy with the thought of another novel!

  21. Picked up twelve hours of overtime last night and started my regular 12 hour Friday thru Monday night shift so that is pretty much my weekend. I plan on coming into work a little early tomorrow to take in some of the atmosphere of the local Oktoberfest along with a couple of Schmidt’s Bahama Mamas.

  22. johnthebasket says

    Jeff . . .

    There are topics that easily lend themselves to comments; there are topics that are, for one reason or another, not so easy to comment on. After following your work for going on a decade, I have been unable to correlate the number of comments with my personal opinion of the quality of your writing.

    I’d say the Thursday piece was very close in quality to your piece many years ago on buying underwear in a department store, which is pretty close to top drawer (which, I believe, is where you keep your underwear). The Monday piece was OK, and I enjoyed it, but much of it was retelling of somebody else’s adventure. I’m not being critical — I’m just saying that if the number of comments you get were a function of the quality of the work, you would have gotten 40 comments on Monday and 80 comments on Thursday.

    It’s entirely possible that a whole shitload of comments means that you’ve simply hit the lowest common denominator; if you measured your success on comment volume, I suppose every piece would be about lighting farts on fire or Hall and Oats, or lighting Hall and Oats on fire.

    You’re going to draw your own conclusions, but I hope you’ll at least consider that a few interesting comments (perhaps something better that “hey-yo”) might be better than a bunch of comment that all say essentially the same thing.


  23. johnthebasket says

    . . . and I assume you understand that if you keep drinking those “smoothies” you’re going to be required to vote the straight Democratic ticket, attend the symphony, and thatch your lawn. I use the term straight advisedly. I use the term thatch less advisedly.


  24. you may get a case of the chia poops

  25. aileen in jackson ms says

    I wouldn’t worry about responses. I’ve been here since ’02 and commented a lot in the beginning (when you finally could, that is). Then years went by without a peep, but I never stopped reading. Now I’m back, sporadically. It’s a mood.

    As for last weekend, I saw the North Mississippi Allstars and ate a lot of chocolate. This weekend will be spent sitting on my couch watching Michael Fassbender movies. Oh yeah.

  26. Fat dude: “Quaid start the reactor!”

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